No Place Like Home Read online

  Dot and Antoinette nodded and in tandem said plainly, “Yes.”

  Baum paused and then said, “Oh.” The man was odd.

  He looked at Toni, stricken. “You too?”

  She hissed at him, “I'm a fucking dog because of you! What do you think?”

  He winced, narrowing an eye in apology. “Well, there is that I suppose.”

  He held his hands up and backed off when Dorothy curled her hand into a fist again. “Ok, ok, I get the hint.” Hint? The man was daft. Then he muttered to himself, and I heard crunching cartilage as he pinched and twisted his nose to set it, “Ow.”

  Then he offered a hand that was oddly clean and free of blood toward us. “L. Frank Baum, at your service.” When none of us offered our sticky honey, ichor and dirt covered hands to him, he dropped his hand. He beamed as he looked at the three of us, saying, “And you must be Cinderella. I saw all this coming you know. But I didn't expect you to be... well, to be three. Fairytale princesses are

  always full of surprises I would think.”

  We called out together, “We're not a fuckin' princess.” Ella beamed at Marie and me.

  Dot snorted, and the man inclined his head. “Fair enough. Now, time is short. It is passing by in a whirlwind in the mortal realm, the Elders are almost upon them. You all must join the others if all of the realms are to remain free. Hook has already set sail and will be arriving to stand with the others from your realm at any time now.”

  Dorothy shook her head, though I saw the prospect of going home after so long was tempting, and said, “No. Stop dictating to me, to us, we aren't slaves to your prophecies. We have to let my people –

  the people you abandoned – know that they are free of the demon scourge that has besieged Oz for so long. We have to mourn the ones who died for your stupid games, and celebrate their lives.”

  He lifted a finger to speak, but she went on, “You've blocked me...” she indicated Toto, “Blocked us, from our friends, family, our home for so long. You can wait another day or two.”

  He shook his head and looked almost sad as he said, “But dear Dorothy, you've always had the means to go home. It is right at your fingertips. I've never stopped you. Just follow the signal.”

  Then he bowed to us. “Ladies, I should take my leave then. I can keep the mortal realm sealed from the Elders, and inform the others until you wrap things up here. And the crossing dilates time in random ways.”

  His head rocked back when Dorothy punched his nose again, and he said, “Ow.”

  He tipped the top hat he hadn't been wearing a moment before and straightened the lapels on the showman's coat he was suddenly wearing, the blood and broken nose gone. Then he dropped the cane I don't remember him holding. When we looked up from the cane clattering on the emerald floor, he was gone.

  Dot muttered, “Asshole,” at the same time Antoinette muttered, “Cryptic pain in the ass.”

  Dorothy looked at the empty spot he had stood for five long heartbeats then suddenly turned to us and said, “We need to tell the people of Oz what transpired today.”

  I exchanged glances with my girls who were holding my hands, and I had to double-take. They were in fine dresses made of silks so light they looked to be spun from the air itself, and they were impeccably clean and made up. The dirt grime and honey mess were gone. I glanced down to see myself dressed similarly.

  And we all had open scabbards at our sides with gleaming blades adorned with the crest of Oz, from their flag, on the pommels. I covered my mouth to hide my smile when I saw the oversized clown shoes on Ella.

  Our girl rolled her eyes, kicked them off, and shoved an amused looking Dorothy's shoulder. The

  two were like a couple of bickering kids, but I had to admit, they fought well together. It was impressive how in tune they were when fighting Gothesis.

  We started to follow the girls when a wave of dizziness came over me, and I went to lean on the chair beside me, just to almost fall when my hand passed through the air. I got my footing and paused.

  I was taller than normal and was standing face to face with a shocked... well, with a shocked me.

  I looked down at myself, I was somehow in Ella's body, so who was that in my body, and where was Marie? A British voice inside offered, “That's probably her there since I appear to be in here with you.”

  I thought, “Ella?”

  She answered in the affirmative, “The one and only, Parker. I smell Dorothy's hand in this.”

  I was inclined to agree as I asked the dazed-looking me, “Marie?”

  She just nodded, and we all turned to Antoinette as she blurted, “Oh for fuck's sake Dotty, what did you do to them.”

  I closed my eyes in understanding then said in a voice that sounded all wrong, “It was my request wasn't it?”

  Dorothy looked overly amused, a cute smirk on her face and an inordinate amount of mischief gleaming in her emerald eyes. “Well, you did phrase it, 'help us,' not 'help them,' Parker.”

  It was odd hearing my voice coming from my body across from me in a French accent as it echoed Toto, “So just what did you do to us, mon amie?”

  Then the mischief seemed to just drain from Dorothy to be replaced with a sort of sympathy as she said in a low voice that intoned empathy, “Just made it so that the three of you could be out together for a time each day.” Then the wicked glint was back. “Who knows what combinations the curse will come up with when you have to go back to being two each day.”

  I blinked as, umm... Marie reached out to take my hand. I held on desperately, and then my eyes widened. “Wait. You mean we're stuck playing body roulette at random each time?”

  Dot nodded almost innocently like she didn't understand why we were making a big deal over it.

  “Well, yeah. That way nobody suffers being the repressed personality all the time. Three people sharing two bodies and one soul... this was the most equitable.”

  Oh...

  Elle chimed out in my head, her Cockney accent back, “I'm fine kicking back in here. It was because of me that Marie was stuck like this for all these centuries.”

  The Parker-like Marie chastised, “Ella, mon amour. You know I far preferred it to your death.”

  While Toto just looked between us, in the dark as to the drama playing out in our minds, Dorothy

  looked almost stricken, like she wanted to do more. She could hear our thoughts when we spoke to each other, we already knew that much, but only when we were consciously trying to speak with each other.

  Things were getting too serious suddenly, between Fenriss' death and our own inner drama. So I lightened the mood by blurting, “Oh, gack! Now I'm cute! Get it off!” I brushed my arms and Ella growled in my head, “I'm not bloody cute, Parker!” I whispered, “Says you,” and Marie giggled.

  Toni shook her head with a bemused smile, then looked at her amused girl and said, “You're all nuts.”

  Yup, pretty much.

  Dot said, “It's best to not to waste your eight hours a day with each other when you can avoid it.

  The rest of the time is torture, not being able to touch your love.” She looked at Toto longingly, and it almost broke my heart as they laced fingers.

  Then she nudged her chin. “We should go to the executive chambers and call a meeting of all the staff and civilian representatives to inform them of Oz's freedom and to celebrate the lives of those lost these long years.”

  I heard Fenriss' name in that sweeping group of the lost, whether she said it or not, and I felt a pang in my gut. Why had he sacrificed himself for Ver, I tried to interposed myself, the dark magics wouldn't have been able to take hold of me. But he had no way of knowing that, and I wouldn't cheapen his sacrifice.

  So we followed, Both Marie and I kept looking at the foreign hands that were ours for now. Damn Ella was in good shape, I don't think I've ever felt so fit. A chuckling whisper in my head said, “Thank you very much.” I smirked.

  It felt like I was holding my own hand as Marie dragge
d us along, she seemed to be getting a thrill out of being free from her flesh prison after so long, no matter which body she was in, and that sort of made part of me swell with a feeling I've never known before. A feeling you can only get when someone you love is profoundly happy.

  Runners and winged monkeys must have already been spreading the word because the hall we entered was already almost packed with people streaming in the many sets of doors into the space. Dot motioned a hand lazily, and more people dressed as farmers, or miners came in through doors that were magically just there where I swear there were tapestries earlier. I could see a forest through one doorway when a clockwork man stepped in followed by a myriad of clockwork woodland animals.

  It wasn't long before people and creatures were making announcements before crowds and through mirrors that were said to speak to all the mirrors of Oz, reminding me of a newscast on the television in

  the mortal realm.

  Then the celebrations began, as the gong for sunset sounded and the sun slid to the horizon. Then all of Oz was just one big celebratory party. Whispers in the halls were already calling it Freedom Day and hailing the Witch of the Four Cardinal Points of Oz, and the strangers from the realm of Kansas as heroes.

  It was when the next gong sounded, and the moons and stars slid up in the sky when the sun vanished below the horizon, that an exhausted-looking Dorothy, who was lying sideways on her throne yawned. Her legs hanging over one side of the huge chair, and her arm lazily draped over the other, her fingers buried deep in Toto's fur.

  She looked at us, and she looked like she would rather be anywhere else than where the world was so full of happy energy. Marie and I moved over to them and sat on the low arching steps at the base of the throne to take a load off our feet.

  Dot sighed and flicked her hand, I was relieved to find us all alone in what had to be her raised bedchamber. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, Toto laying by her side, stretching and yawning, showing her sharp fangs and long tongue.

  We were on a little settee beside a writing desk beside the bed.

  Dorothy said to us, “My heart really isn't in a celebration.”

  We nodded, our agreement.

  I mean, it was awe-inspiring to see a whole magical land in celebration, but the deaths I had witnessed since arriving in Oz sort of put a damper on it all. I can't imagine how many orders of magnitude more they felt it. We had witnessed so many deaths in two days, they had likely witnessed thousands or even hundreds of thousands in two hundred years.

  Dorothy whispered to us, breaking the silence, “I love Oz with all my heart now, but there are times I feel like my heart is breaking and I miss home so very much.”

  I was so relaxed I felt Ella move forward and I didn't fight it when she said through our mouth,

  “You should call home. I'm sure they miss you too. Toni said you could.”

  She smiled sadly, shaking her head and pulling out an older iPhone from, well, from nowhere and explained, “There's nobody left to call.”

  I perked up and shook my head, almost blurting out in a voice I wasn't used to, “But Dot... it's only been two years from home's perspective.”

  Her eyes widened. I don't think she had thought of that since the first time we shared that it hadn't been centuries since they were lost. Toto was shrugging into a soft pink robe beside her, covering her lithe form as she draped herself over Dorothy's shoulder, a hopeful look in her eyes. For how alpha she

  seemed in their relationship at times, she was following Dot's lead now.

  The fire in the witch's eyes extinguished. She looked like a frightened eighteen-year-old she had been all those years ago as she stared at the phone, she looked at us and shook her head. “What would I even say, “Oh hi Aunt Em, Uncle Henry, it's Dorothy, you know, the niece you thought died in a tornado. Oh, and you know Oz... it's real, I'm kind of queen bitch there – I mean witch.”

  I smiled and shrugged. “Why not? It's the truth, and they're your family. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to know you're alive.”

  She shrugged back. “Not like I can do anything about it, we still can't get home no matter what Wizard ass says.”

  We all looked at her and the iPhone in the Tardis case in her hand. I absently wondered if she had used magic to make her phone work if she could do the same for the phones of the Avatars of my unorthodox family. Technology doesn't work around most of them, even Ella had problems with it most of the time, but if magic could help...

  Damn, I already missed all the women I felt sort of like a proud den mother of. How could you miss someone so much in just a couple days? I sighed, the answer was easy, because I felt so incredibly close to Dot, Toto, and Ver already.

  Dorothy looked at Toto, eyes pleading for her to give her a reason not to try. Instead, the blonde ex-cheerleader just gave her an encouraging smile, though we could see the apprehension in her own eyes.

  Dorothy turned the cell phone on and pulled up her contact list. From my angle, I could see it contained only three contacts as Marie, and I moved to sit with them on the edge of the bed.

  Antoinette, Home, Molly. Hadn't Dorothy known anyone else? I thought of how they had described her as an outcast before she had come to Oz, and my heart went out to the girl.

  She tapped Home, and she gasped when the first ring sounded, and she quickly hung up, staring at the phone with wide eyes, the emerald flames flickering in them. Toto asked in concern, “What is it Dotty?”

  Dorothy stared at the phone, incredulity painting her face as she whispered hoarsely, “He was right.

  Oh god Toto, I'm so sorry! Baum was right! I had the way home the whole time!” The emerald-eyed woman looked to be horrified.

  Toni looked at the broken witch with concern on her face. “What is it, love?”

  Dorothy looked up at her, eyes watery as she whispered in that hoarse tone, “When the line connected, I could follow that connection, I could feel home again, the mortal realm.”

  Toto blinked at her and then at the phone in her girl's hand. I don't think she understood the horror

  on Dot's face for a moment until it sunk in. She felt guilty that she had their way home. They could have gone back any time they wanted the past couple hundred years, minus these Dark Years they speak of. It had been at her fingertips the whole time.

  Antoinette's eyes widened in realization, then her face softened as she smiled with all the love in the world for Dorothy. “You had no way of knowing. And...” She looked around. “I see Oz as home in my heart more than Kansas now. I'm a fucking dog for God's sake. I miss Kansas and my family there, but this is where the world can accept what I am now.”

  Dorothy looked so relieved at that. “I feel the same. But I'd still like to see Aunt Em and Uncle Henry again, let them know I'm ok. And as much of a pain in the ass the fucking wizard can be, it sounds like they can use us about now.”

  They looked at each other, and I could see some unspoken agreement in their eyes as Toto leaned in to give her love a gentle kiss. Dot asked, “Road trip?”

  Toni nodded. “Road trip.”

  We all jumped, and Dorothy instantly had a crackling orb of emerald energy ready in her empty hand to defend with, when we realized her cell was ringing. A nervous chuckle came from us all. We were on edge after a battle.

  Then the color drained from Dorothy's face when she looked at the screen. Four letters were flashing on it, and she looked to be almost hyperventilating. Home.

  She looked around, Toto nodded, then she put it on speaker, but looked frozen in indecision as she didn't say a word. After an awkward silence, a woman's voice came over the speaker, causing Dot to gasp and cover her mouth as tears started dripping down her cheeks at the sound of the voice prompting, “Hello? Hello, who is this, and why do you have our niece's phone?”

  Our witchy friend swallowed then said tentatively, “Aunt Em? It's me, Dorothy.”

  The cold response was full of promise to do great bodily harm, and I could tell where Dot got her fi
re from. “Dorothy died in a tornado two years ago, this is a sick joke and...”

  Dorothy blurted, “Aunt Em, it's really me... umm... hang on, we’re coming home now. I'll explain everything.”

  She kept the line open and whispered, “There's no place like home,” before any of us could open our mouths.

  Dot made a sweeping motion with her free hand, encompassing the three of us. I found myself again in the middle of a cyclone, feeling oddly a part of it as we hurtled through Oz at breakneck speeds. We kept going faster and faster until the world was a blur around us.

  Chapter 14 – Reunited

  The world seemed to dim as I felt a wave of vertigo. The bright colors flashing by became somehow less vivid. Then we were standing in front of a farmhouse, a man holding a storm cellar door with full moon bars open as a woman wheeled someone in a wheelchair into it. They were human, we were back in the mortal realm!

  The man hesitated before following them, and then looked around the sky frantically before seeing us. He took a step toward us, looking around as he spun in place once, searching for something. He called out to us, pointing absently back at the open door of the storm cellar and then the sky as he approached. “There was a cyclone... it? Who are you people, are you ok?”

  Ok, wow. Even I could appreciate the hunk of rugged man in his early thirties, dressed in flannel and tight jeans, as he approached. Then I remembered Dorothy's stories. This was her Uncle Henry?

  Va va voom. He definitely wasn't the old grey farmer from the Oz books.

  I saw an equally attractive woman pop her head out the door to look as the man approached us. His eyes widened in disbelief when they landed on the woman who was now wearing one of her signature Kimonos. “Antoinette? Toni? We thought you were...”

  He trailed off when his eyes fell upon the Witch of the Four Cardinal Points, who looked so very timid and small at the moment, her emerald eyes welling with tears. The woman who had joined the man, at his side, whispered as she covered her mouth, “Dot?”

  She looked equal parts hopeful and confused. How could they not know their own niece? Then I remembered that the magic had turned Dorothy into an idealized version of herself she though Toto would want. I had to wonder just what she looked like before.